Breaking the Depression Cycle

by Mike Toohey, Ph.D.

A hallmark feature of feeling depressed is having low energy. Just as bears hibernate in the winter to expend as little energy as possible during the times of scarce resources, we go through a depressive “hibernation” so we can conserve our own energy while times are tough. In fact, this may literally happen to people when they experience depression every winter. This becomes a problem when, in our efforts to conserve energy in the short-term, we cause more harm in the long-term.

A classic example is the person who pours him or herself into food (or vice versa) when something goes wrong. Food tastes good and can be a source of comfort in the short-term. However, if enough things go wrong this person may turn to food quite often and may become overweight or have increased health problems. These become new problems which lead to more depression, overeating, and so on.
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Don’t End Up in a Roadside Ditch

by Candice Siu Woo, Ph.D.

I can never stop laughing at this new Direct TV commercial.

This is how it goes:

“When your cable company keeps you on hold, you get angry

When you get angry, you go blow off steam [shows a man playing squash

aggressively]

When you go blow off steam, accidents happen [squash ball bounces back into man’s

eye]

When accidents happen, you get an eye-patch [man receiving treatment at the

doctor’s office and puts on an eye-patch to protect his eye]
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The Unpredictability of Life

by Magda Murawska, Ed.M.

I recently saw the new Broadway musical “Ghost.” Based on the hit movie starring Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore, the musical first started in London before crossing the pond to the Broadway stage. Luckily for the audience, the stars of the show also crossed the pond, which means that they know their parts down to the t. I had initially been hesitant to go, thinking that nothing could beat the classic movie. But, I was truly and pleasantly surprised.

As I sat there (tearing up on several occasions, I will admit), one scene stood out above the others. It was the scene prior to the male character, Sam’s, untimely and tragic death. He and his girlfriend, Molly, had been strolling back from a late dinner when the topic turned to saying those three special words. Sam was one of those people that was just not keen on saying them. He had previously sang Molly a beautiful song about how he says “I love you” in every way other than actually saying the words. To Molly it wasn’t enough, she demanded that he say the words as proof that he really loved her. Though I quickly saw the irrationality in both her demand, I felt for her, understanding that sometimes hearing those three words from the one you love is like warm syrup on a stack of hot pancakes – just amazing! So as much as I wanted to yell “Just do it already, Sam!” I also realized that it was unwarranted for her to place this demand on him. We often make these demands on others, whether based on society’s standard or our own, forgetting that others don’t always live by our set of rules and expectations. As they argued about Sam’s inability to say “I love you,” the tragedy occurred.
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Don’t sweat the small stuff

by Mary Russell, M.S.

How much time would you get back if you chose not to worry about the little things in life you think are unfair, rude, or inconvenient…if you CHOSE not to “sweat the small stuff?” Life is full of countless things that might bother us at any given time. I’m just as guilty as anyone (if not more guilty) of this offense and I can think of a myriad of – let’s face it – stupid things, I spent time upsetting myself about. To give you some examples, here’s a list of things that I’ve wasted at least 1 minute (and up to…much longer) being angry about:

1. People who walk slowly because they’re trying to walk and text at the same time
2. When my dog pees on the carpet
3. People who roll their eyes at me when I walk slowly while texting
4. When I go to get my laundry from the dryer and it’s still wet
5. When I smudge my nail polish
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Making Moments

by Mike Toohey, M.A.

The more I live, the more I understand the importance of making moments. When we look at our past, we don’t remember it in its entirety – just certain moments. The important lessons we have learned come from moments from which we took part; the happiest times of our lives become moments that we cherish forever. Our lives don’t just include making moments. Without moments we wouldn’t be able to remember anything from our past because we did nothing special.

If you are frustrated/bored because nothing is happening, make something happen. Be creative, do something silly. The harder it is for you to do, the more likely you will remember what you learned from it.

You can think that you missed a moment you shouldn’t have, but keep in mind that there is a constant stream of potential moments that can be made. If you fixate on a lost moment, you will be missing the moments happening right in front of you. We miss moments all of the time – it is impossible to take every opportunity to make one. The important thing is to remember that there will always be opportunities for more. My recommendation is to not wait for them to happen, but to make them happen yourself.

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Selflessly Selfish

by Chayim Newman, M.A.

Willing to try an experiment? Grab a Post-it note and a pen… If you slept an average of 7+ hours per night this past week, put down a checkmark on your paper. If you ate three healthy meals per day this past week, put down another check. A third check if you exercised on five or more days. One more check if you felt like you managed your stress well and felt almost no muscle tension this past week. And a fifth check if you took some time each day for yourself to do something that you enjoyed, even for a few brief moments. Did you get all five checkmarks? I’d hazard a guess that almost no one checks off all five boxes, and certainly not on a regular basis. I’d suggest trying this experiment for a month and seeing how many checkmarks we amass.

The fact is, our self-care, composed of elements including: diet, exercise, stress management, sleep hygiene, and a number of other behaviors, is critical for optimal functioning. We are all aware of the research on declines in performance after sleep deprivation and in high stress situations, and there is significant literature to suggest that proper diet and consistent exercise also crucially impact performance – at work, at play and socially. Why then did few or none of us check off all five checkmarks this past week?

We all have irrational self-statements about our self-care and we use them to justify our reluctance to change our behaviors or to put in the effort required for healthy living.
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Breaking the Unbreakable Pattern

by Eric Sudler, M.S.

Here we go again. Time to make a conscious effort to be insane. For each of us, we have reached a particular comfort level in one or more areas of our life. Although we want to strive for better things and more opportunities, we refuse to do what it takes to get there. Why should we have to change? Staying the same is sooooooo much easier and requires much less effort. Anything else would require… work and possible discomfort. Yuck.

Facing change sucks and the truth can be hard to recognize at times even when people try to tell us. After all, who knows you better than yourself? Why should you listen to anyone else about what you should do? Every decision you’ve made up this point has been the perfect choice and you’ve never had regrets about any choice you’ve made, right? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Maybe a little outside help or advice might aid you in your journey.
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Springing into Action

by Magda Murawska, M.Ed.

It’s hard to believe that April is here already. It seems like just yesterday we were braving the cold and windy days, bundling ourselves in layers of clothing. Now we’re greeted with birds chirping and the sun warming our faces. Spring often makes me think about new beginnings – life starting anew. Much like the effect New Years has, I become a bit more optimistic about life and am ready to conquer what’s ahead of me. It also makes me think about that list of goals that I set out for myself back in January. At the beginning of the year for the last few years, I have created a list of things I’d like to do in the next twelve months. It’s not like a resolution to be better or thinner, but a plan to do things that I haven’t yet done (like run a half marathon!), things I’ve been putting off doing (finishing that dissertation), places I’ve been wanting to visit (there are many). I try to keep the list as realistic as possible. There’s no way that I will be able to visit Belize this year, so that’s not on the list, but visiting some place new (any place) within the US (even if it’s just a couple of minutes from where I live) is. The purpose of the list is to motivate me to go out there and experience life. And it serves as a great way to plan outings, trips and new experiences.

So far there’s about twenty-something things on my list. As I look over the items that I promised myself I would do this year, only two have been crossed off so far. The thoughts of “You should have done more by now!” start creeping in and I start to feel a bit anxious, as well as frustrated that I haven’t been more active in checking these items off my list. Continue reading

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Remembering the WANT in REBT

by Mary Russell, M.S.

REBT is great at letting people off the hook when placed in difficult or unpleasant situations. Indeed, at the core of the REBT philosophy is the idea that you don’t HAVE to do anything. Looking at obstacles, it’s easy to rationally tell yourself that while you want to do something, you don’t have to and if you choose not to you’re still a worthwhile person and life will go on. Furthermore, this outlook will often free you from whatever unhealthy negative emotion(s) are eating away at you.

Recently, someone close to me fell ill and when I heard about it I immediately felt a strong desire to go to them, help out, and offer my support not only to the person who was ill, but also to the person who took on much of the caretaking responsibilities. When I made my intentions known, both these individuals immediately reminded me that the situation was not dire and there was no reason I HAD to return. They pointed out all the other obligations I had and noted that everything would be fine and they could deal with the situation without me. It was as if they were the spokesman for REBT. Indeed, thinking about the situation as they so eloquently and rationally put it considerably diminished much of my guilt and fear. This being said, I was still experiencing considerable regret and worry – healthier emotions yes, but nonetheless unpleasant ones.
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Control

by Ricky Hornblass, Ph.D.

We all have a sense that we can control or have power over everything and everyone in our lives. I often talk to parents who feel tremendous guilt and anxiety when their children do not behave the way they would like or do not achieve the success that they had hoped. Similarly, individuals often become angry when they tell themselves that others’ should behave differently and that they can change them if they just work hard enough at it.

While parents can often adapt their behaviors to bring about positive change in their children and adults can advocate for themselves in an attempt to help someone else improve upon their behaviors, it is crucial that we accept that we often can’t change others. We are never the sole person responsible for someone else’s success, happiness, or behavior-there are too many other variables involved in the process. Therefore, instead of focusing on changing others’ or making circumstances turn out just right, it would be more productive for us to focus on ourselves. We should turn our demands of others into preferences and work on accepting them as humans who make mistakes (just like us). It is only then that we can attempt to improve our relationships and develop healthier patterns of interactions.

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